It's a good day.

I am so in awe of how good and gentle God is today. All day, I have heard faint whispers of "I love you," and "I see you." from my Father. It has been in the small things. Like, having time to make myself tea and getting to class on time without feeling rushed and, the weather being so perfect and, getting a phone call saying that I don't have to work. God is constantly doing little things to woo my heart and today, I have felt them. Today, I am feeling wooed and pursued and loved today. I feel free to dream, to delight in the little things. I am allowing my Father to catch my heart off guard with the little things. I am thankful.

For a while recently, I really struggled with feeling forgotten. I felt like everyone was gone and I was left here alone. I feel like today was a day of God reminding me that he has not forgotten. He sees me and he cares. Then I start to remember my whole story, and if my story has one underlying theme, it is that  God is Jehovah-Jireh and he is so faithful. God is taking the lie that he has forgotten me and  turning it completely upside down. Thanks be to God.

Freedom in the LIGHT

Go on and ask me anything

What do you need to know?

I'm not holding on to anything
I'm not willing to let go of
To be free, to be free

I've got to ask you something
Please don't be afraid
There's a promise here
That's heavier than your answer might weigh
Baby, it's me, it's me

It's a sweet, sweet thingStanding here with you and nothing to hide
Light shining down to our very insides
Sharing out secrets, baring our souls
Helping each other come clean

Secrets and ciphers
There's no good way to hideThere's redemption in confession
And freedom in the light
I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid

It's a sweet, sweet thing
Standing here with you and nothing to hide
Light shining down to our very insides
Sharing out secrets, baring our souls
Helping each other come clean
Better than our promises
Is the day we got to keep them
Wish those two could see us now
They never would believe howThere are different kinds of happy
Different kinds of happy
There are different kinds of happy
Different kinds of happy

And it's a sweet, sweet thing
Standing here with you and nothing to hide
Light shining down to our very insides
Loving each other
It's a sweet, sweet thing
Standing here with you and nothing to hide
Light shining down to our very insides
Loving each other, knowing each other
Helping each other
Oh, sharing our secrets, baring our souls
Helping each other come clean


Different Kinds of Happy by Sara Groves


OK, yes. This song is about marriage, but I haven't heard a song that speaks to my heart more in a really  long time. Freedom in the light has been such a theme in my life. I've been thinking a lot about exposure this week. I desperately miss being in a community that valued exposure. Honestly, I just miss living in COMMUNITY. The past few days, I've been feeling really nostalgic, and I don't think it's a good thing. One year ago, I had just come home from my last fall camp as a high school student, just ended a week of 24/7 prayer, and was 2 weeks away from being finished with my last musical of high school. WOW. That is a really overwhelming thought for me. I long to be back there. Everything was so seamless for me then. It was a mountain top. The people that I was sharing life with loved and lived loudly and it was lovely. Different season, Different Kinds of Happy. In all reality, I wouldn't give up where I am now for the world. I really do love a lot of things that I have going for me right now. I am learning that this valley is a beautiful place to be. The valley is where I am made more like Christ. It is here that I am being refined. And I am learning to be transparent and exposed all over again. God sees me learning to be transparent and says, "Beloved, that is PURE GOLD. I value that." He has always been faithful. He has always provided. That is not just what God does, thats who he is. I am choosing JOY. I am choosing to live in the fact that God does not forget, God will provide me with community wherever I am, and that I am being made more like Christ in this season.